Codependency is keeping you stuck professionally and personally!
It is. It just is.
If you’re wondering what the heck codependency even means, read last week’s blog post here.
Now, if you’ve ever said the following phrases, codependency is keeping you trapped:
- “I can’t start my own business; I need someone to support and guide me through every step.”
- “Leaving my job would disappoint my family; I can’t risk their disapproval.”
- “I’m afraid to break away from expectations because I don’t want to upset anyone.”
- “I’ll start a business when my partner believes in me and gives me the green light.”
- “I feel like I need constant reassurance before I can make any major decisions.”
- “I can’t leave my job; what if I can’t find another one? I need job security.”
- “I’m not confident enough to follow my dreams without someone else’s validation.”
- “I don’t want to disappoint my community by pursuing something unconventional.”
- “I need my friends or family to support me before I can take any bold steps.”
- “I’m too worried about what others will think if I deviate from the norm.”
If any of these statements sound familiar, you’re letting your codependent tendencies stand in your way. And let me be clear, they are tendencies, behaviors, or acts, they are not innate characteristics that you can’t change. You can change them, you just have to be aware of them first.
Here’s the thing, our brains are really smart and really dumb at the exact same time. What’s happening is that your brain is trying to keep you safe and there is definitely safety in remaining a part of the community, having approval from family, and having the support of your loved one. Historically, we literally needed the community for our survival.
Now, not so much. We’ve become much more independent, but our brains don’t know that. So they still perceives any threat to belonging the same as standing before a bear. A whole bear!
The fight or flight response is very similar, if not the same, even though you logically know that disappointing your community is not the same life or death situation that running from a bear is.
Because you’re so worried about belonging, disappointing your family, or waiting for permission from somebody you trust, you’re just delaying your success.
This makes me think of Langston Hughes’ poem Harlem:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
What’s going to happen to your dream deferred? Are you going to reestablish trust in yourself and build up your personal belief so you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be?
Or will you let your dreams dry up because you’re more committed to everybody else than you are yourself?
