Podcast: How to Use the Space Between Where You Are and Where You Want to Be

Date

Recognize the gift in the 'in between.' The space where you are now and where you want to be is an opportunity for growth. Don't rush, appreciate the journey, and better prepare for your arrival.

Asha B. Wilkerson

Episode Summary

This conversation explores the concept of the space between where you want to be and where you currently are. It emphasizes the importance of using this space effectively and making the best use of time. Asha shares personal experiences and examples to illustrate the challenges and opportunities of the in-between.

The conversation covers topics such as setting goals, planning and transitioning, focusing on health, building a business, and embracing rest and self-care.

It encourages listeners to appreciate the journey, let go of control, and seek support when making changes.

Takeaways

  • The space in between where you want to be and where you currently are is an opportunity for growth and self-care.
  • Set clear goals for yourself, big or small, and use the in-between time to work towards them.
  • Embrace the uncertainty and adapt to changes that may arise during the in-between period.
  • Make the best use of the gift of time by focusing on your health, building your business, and engaging in rest and self-care.
  • Seek support and coaching to navigate the challenges and emotions that come with the in-between.

Timestamped Summary of This Episode

  • 00:00 The Space In Between
  • 01:10 Setting Goals
  • 02:25 Transitioning and Planning
  • 03:44 Adapting to Changes
  • 05:13 The Gift of Time
  • 06:07 Focusing on Health
  • 07:44 Building a Business
  • 08:38 Returning Home
  • 09:58 Rest and Self-Care
  • 10:56 Embracing the In-Between
  • 11:36 Maximizing the Time
  • 12:28 Letting Go and Having Fun
  • 13:03 Getting Support
  • 13:47 Coaching for Change
  • 14:15 The Power of Healing
 

Resources Mentioned:

Connect with Asha:

Today I want to talk to you about the space in between where you want to be and where you actually are. In life, you’ll often find yourself in this space that I call the “in between.” And sometimes that space feels super uncomfortable. I’m talking about the space between where you are now and where you want to be, which can lead to feeling stuck, frustrated, and ready to call it quits.

But the problem isn’t actually being stuck in the “in between,” it’s actually how you choose to use your time. So today, I’m gonna give you my number one strategy for making the best use of your time in the “in between.”

What goals do you have for yourself?

I want to know what goals you have for yourself. They can be big or small. They can take years to do, or just a handful of minutes a week to accomplish. And I want to know what you’re doing. 

Maybe you’ve decided to work on your financial goals so you can be a part of the F.I.R.E. movement, the financial independence, retire early movement. 

Or maybe you’re working on getting back in shape after a two month to six year hiatus from the gym. 

Or maybe you’re working on manifesting a beautiful, healthy and wholesome relationship to start the family of your dreams. No matter the goal, there will always be a time when you find yourself sitting between where you are right now and where you want to be.

I’m In the In-Between

I’m currently in the “in between” myself. I’m in that weird space between leaving Oakland and not yet arriving in Portugal.

When I left Oakland, and for those of you who don’t know, in December of 2023, I decided to pack up and leave Oakland for good, which had been my home for the last like 18 to 20 years.

I’d spent more time in California than I did in Portland, Oregon growing up. And all I knew as an adult was the San Francisco Bay area. But I decided that my time had come to an end in the Bay and it was time for me to relocate. And on my way to relocating a pit stop that I made or that I’m in right now, is spending a few months in Portland with my mom.

So when I left Oakland, I had planned to spend a few months in Portland with my mom because she’s recovering from her second knee replacement surgery. She had two, both knee replaced in the same year. And since I was going much farther away to Portugal, I’d planned to spend as much time as possible with her.

And when I originally left, I planned to stay from December to February because I had an apartment already lined up in Lisbon and a neighborhood that I really liked and I was really, really excited. It was near the water. It was walking distance to the grocery stores. It had everything that I wanted and felt like a really good location to start my new journey abroad. But it fell through and there was nothing I could do about it. 

So I decided to push my move date back to March because since I didn’t have to be there in February anymore, now I could go and spend time with my family in Florida. But then, as I decided to push my date to March, I also remembered that last April, I signed up for a conference for this April, and I paid really good money for that registration, and I did not want to miss it. So then I decided, okay, after the conference in April, I’m gonna move to Portugal. 

But then, one of my friends, decided to get married and he and his fiance are getting married in Mexico and they asked me to officiate the wedding which I am so honored and so grateful for. So of course I couldn’t say no to that and that wedding is at the beginning of May. 

So now I’m planning to move right after that wedding in like mid -May by like the 10th or something like that. And although I said yes and want to do all of these commitments there was a part of me that felt like my life was on hold. There’s a part of me that still feels like my life is on hold because I’m not quite where I want to be. 

Letting Go of the Doubt

And at first I felt kind of bad and I let the doubt creep in and I thought to myself, am I really supposed to move? I’ve said yes to all these things here in the US. Am I not keeping my word because I said I was going to move and did the whole immigration process? What is it that I actually want to do? But thankfully I quickly realized that those thoughts and doubts happened.

But I quickly stopped those thoughts and doubts because I recognized what was happening. I was just uncomfortable sitting in the space between where I was and where I wanted to go.

The Space Between Is a Gift

But ultimately, this space is a blessing, or it can be, at least if you use it that way. Sometimes we’re so eager to reach our goals or to hit our milestones that we gloss right over the gift that lies in the “in between.” So what is that gift? It’s the gift of time.

It’s the gift of time that can be used for preparation or relaxation or something different. So what have I done in my meantime? My meantime, in between time, I’ve refocused on my health goals. One of the motivating factors for quitting my full -time job was this unexplained weight gain that I think was due to stress. I gained a lot of weight in the last two years and it hasn’t been for lack of exercise or lack of eating healthy. And I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

I’ve been working with a health coach for over a year now, but it wasn’t until I doubled down and focused this past December that I was able to really track my habits and my body changes. After reviewing the data, I could see that my body had developed insulin resistance. Now I’m not diabetic and I’m not even pre -diabetic, but if I don’t get this insulin resistance under control, that’s probably the direction that I’m headed in. So now is the time to really focus, especially before I take off and leave the country.

This time in between has given me the space and the environment to experiment with different eating regimes. I’ve been able to track my glucose. And I’ve also added different exercises to my routine. I’ve joined a yoga community that I absolutely love and really enjoy. And I’ve created space to just focus on me. I wasn’t able to do that before I left California, at least not in the way that I wanted to, because I had so much going on. 

And this space before the move to Portugal is the perfect time to break old habits and create new ones so that I can hit the ground running and feel good about myself and feel good in my body when I move. In addition to working on my physical health, I’ve been working on building this iteration of my business. I’ve run my own business since 2011, but it has changed many times. I started out with a traditional law practice, then I added business coaching, and now I’m working in the life coaching and healing space.

And each iteration feels like a brand new business. So even though the legal structure hasn’t actually changed, this business is different and I’m different. So now I have to take the time to get to know me again and get to know how I want to run this business. So I’ve decided to hire and work with coaches to help me figure out how to market and share myself through this particular iteration of my business.

Because I’ve given myself the permission to return home to my mom’s house before I take off for Portugal, I can build this business in a comfortable space without having to worry about paying rent. Now admitting that aloud makes me feel some kind of way because, you know, there’s a part of me that feels like I’ve taken a step backwards, but there’s also the logical part of me that knows that this was an important move for me so that I could have a strong foundation before I take off. It was the right move and it was definitely a smart move.

I didn’t want to be one of those people that returned home, but I had to acknowledge that I made a choice for me in this transition to get the space and the support that I needed. Plus I’m also spending valuable quality time with my mom that I won’t be able to get back. So there’s that too. 

I’m also working to meet people in the local community and I’m looking to create partnerships while I’m in the U S so that when I move abroad, I already have a network and a consistent client base that takes some of the pressure off of moving and building a business at the same time, because I can do one and then the other. 

So I’m really grateful for this space in between. Lastly, I’ve used this space in between to just rest. I’m allowing myself to change my mind, to decide what I want to do and what I don’t want to do, and to visit old friends and to experience some new places. 

Because I decided to push my Portugal move date back, I’ve had the opportunity to return to the Bay to visit my friends one more time before taking off for real for real. And this past weekend, I got to attend the annual Salsa Rueda Festival in San Francisco, which is a Cuban salsa festival that is so much fun. And let me tell you, I needed this for my soul. 

Portland is a place of rest for me in large part because I don’t have the huge friendship network there and it’s my mom’s place. I grew up there, so it’s really comfortable, but I don’t have the same kind of social community in Portland that I do in the Bay Area. So that part of me, that social part of me hasn’t really been nourished since I left the Bay Area. So returning to the Bay has been food for my soul. And I’m so excited that I was able to do that because I got to see the people I love and hear music that I love. And it absolutely did wonders to lift my spirit. 

So once I got over feeling some kind of way about not yet being where I wanted to be, Portugal, I began to see how to use the space in between as a real opportunity for growth and self-care. I’m focused on my health, I’m building my business with less pressure, and I’m visiting old friends and new places when the opportunities present themselves. And because of this shift in perspective, I am so grateful for this space in between. 

What Will You Do With the Space “In Between?”

Have you ever felt like you didn’t know what to do with the space between where you were and where you wanted to be? 

It could be the space between deciding to leave a job and actually leaving. The space between being a student and graduating with a degree or certificate. 

Or it could be the space between being single and being married, any space in between where you are and where you want to be. Think of this space as a real opportunity for growth and think of the space as a blessing to better prepare you for the next step. 

So my question is, how are you using the time in between where you are and where you’re trying to go? How can you maximize it? 

How to Use the Space “In Between”

My advice, first, learn to love and appreciate the journey. 

Stop judging yourself, stop criticizing yourself, and stop rushing to get to your final destination. Instead, recognize the gift that the space is and think about what you can do to better prepare yourself for your arrival. 

Second, remind yourself that it’s okay to be in the “in between,” and create feelings of safety within your body so you can stay there without freaking out. 

You have to remind yourself that the space in between is okay and it’s safe. 

If this is a foreign concept to you where you’re thinking, Asha, what are you talking about? This is one of the things I help my clients with in my one-on-one coaching container. 

Lastly, let go and have some fun. If your actions are pointed towards your destination, trust that you will get there.

When you really believe it, you can let go of some of the control you’re holding onto and enjoy the process. Be proud of yourself for the work that you’re putting in and have fun. It’ll pay off in the end. 

If You’re Tired of Feeling Stuck, Ask for Coaching

And if you’re tired of feeling stuck in the “in between” or wondering how to feel better while you work towards your goals or the goals that you’ve set for yourself, you might benefit from coaching. I walk my clients through my process of determining where they want to be and identifying concrete steps to get to the end goal.

In addition, and this may be the most important part, I support them through all of the mind drama that gets in the way. 

I not only support them on calls and through texts messages, but I teach them how to identify and name the feelings that are coming up. And I share tools for regulating their nervous systems. If you’re in the midst of making a change or thinking about a major change, get support and do it now. You don’t have to do it all by yourself.

I have a six-week coaching container that will not only help you set your goals that are on track to living the life of your dreams, but will also give you the support necessary to take your first steps, regulate your emotions, and tune into your inner wisdom. You can.

You can check it out on my website and make an appointment to chat with me on a discovery call by going to ashawilkerson.com/coaching, and you’ll get on my calendar. 

Although this episode wasn’t specifically about healing, I want to remind you that it’s because I’ve healed that I’ve been able to repair old relationships and start new ones from a different perspective. It’s because I’ve healed that I’ve been able to leave expectations behind that no longer serve me. And it’s because I’ve healed that I’m currently living my dream life out loud with no regrets.

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