““Self-trust is so much more individual, and it requires you to be present in a different way. It does not come with outside validation. If you need the outside validation, then it’s not self-trust.””
Shownotes
Ever get a quiet nudge, a sudden physical sensation, or a gut feeling, only to immediately dismiss it because it didn't make "logical" sense? If you’re trying to find your way back to yourself, you can't rely on society's step-by-step formula. Self-trust requires something much more individual.
In this episode of Because I'm Healing, I'm diving into Part 2 of building self-trust: How to test it. Following up on last week's practice of listening, I share personal stories from my extensive travels to moments of profound intuitive knowing surrounding life and transition, to show you how to separate actual intuition from trauma or fear. Tune in to learn why writing down your "night notes," starting small, and dropping the need for outside validation are essential keys to finally trusting yourself.
(00:00) - Introduction to Self-Trust (already there)
(00:36) - Self-Trust Has No Script
(02:21) - Step Two: Test It in Small Ways
(02:58) - Travel as Self-Trust
(06:17) - Trusting Your Intuition: Write Down the Nudges
(08:24) - Testing Intuition
(15:55) - This Week's Practice and What's Next
Leave a Voice Note for the Podcast: Have a question or reflection you want me to answer on a future episode? Drop me a voice note via the WhatsApp Group.
Intuitive Reader Certification & Development Course: Ready to understand the physiology of energy and deepen your intuitive gifts? Learn more at Asha's Place Lisbon
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Asha (00:01)
Hey there, we are back with another episode. My name is Asha Wilkerson, and I am a guide helping Black women remember their connection to themselves, their intuition, their ancestors, and to the lives that they have longed for. Today we're going to be talking about the second part of building self-trust. So last week, if you haven't listened to that episode, go back and listen to that episode about self-trust. And the first step you need to do.
Is begin to listen, listen to your body, listen to the messages around you. When you are building self trust, you cannot be both curious and judgmental. what I find is that a lot of us who have followed the script, who've done the right things, in order to follow the script, we've had to come up with the belief, consciously or subconsciously.
That what we are doing is right, and that not doing it that way, it might not be wrong, but it's not right. Right. And now when you are trying to find your way back into self-trust, there isn't a set path or script for that. There isn't a one, two, three kind of a formula that you can follow, like becoming a doctor. You go to undergrad, you go to medical school, you do a residency.
And then you get hired as a doctor, right? That's a step. One, two, three, right? You can get that. But self-trust is so much more individual and it requires you to be present in a different way. And self-trust does not come with outside validation. If you need the outside validation, then it's not self-trust, kind of by definition, right? You're not trusting yourself because you're validating with others.
So, how do you build this self-trust? Now you've practiced listening, you've heard the little nudges, you have heard your body when your body's telling you you need a little bit of rest or you need to go exercise, you've paid attention to the birds when they're chirping and you feel better. You've thought about how it feels when you go for a walk versus going to the gym. And even though maybe the gym is what everybody tells you to do to build muscle, but you know you feel better.
In your body when you walk, you've heard that message. Now the now the task to build your self-trust is to test it. And test it in little ways. I meet with people all the time who are like, Asha, how did you move abroad? How did you do this? How did you give it all up? How did you change your life? You know, flip it upside down. And when people talk to me, there's an assumption that I made the changes in one giant step.
And sometimes it looks like I did, it looks on the outside like I did, but I absolutely did not. I made changes and developed my self-trust in a series of small steps. The first thing that comes to mind as I'm talking to you right now is travel. I'd always wanted to travel since I started studying abroad in undergrad. I decided I would travel as much as possible. So the first place I went to was
Cuba of all places. Actually, that's not true. First place I went to was Mexico. Second place was Cuba. Then I started studying abroad in law school. I studied abroad twice in law school. And then once I had enough funds, I traveled all the time when I was working. And one year, as I was teaching at the community college, I think I took something like 24 flights a year, 24 flights in that year.
So it was almost like every other weekend I was a plane on a plane going someplace. And I absolutely loved it. There was something in me that knew that I needed to be on a plane and that I needed to explore and travel. Because when I get on a plane, when I go someplace new, whether it's by myself or with my friends, there's something that happens in my body, in my nervous system. I start to calm down.
I look at the world through a lens of curiosity, seeing how things operate in a different way, inform me about how I can be living. It excuse me. It gets me out of my bubble. It gets me out of my routine and allows me to get different input and different stimuli. I learned later that it's actually reflected in my birth chart that travel is
Part of my chart. Like it's a part of my design, a part of how I operate and move through the world. And so I learned that later, but it totally validated this desire to travel. Now, none of my friends traveled as much as I traveled. I have friends who love to travel. My mom would be like, You're going again. She doesn't didn't understand it because she's not a traveler. She's been to different places, but she's not a traveler. But I needed travel like I needed air to breathe.
And once I had the opportunity, I allowed myself to test. How does it feel to travel every other weekend? How does it feel to go to Mexico? How does it feel to go to Costa Rica? How does it feel to travel to Portugal? How does it feel to go to Ghana? How does it feel to do these little things? How does it feel to just go to LA for the weekend? How does it feel to go away to the beach? How does it feel to go with friends? How does it feel to go by yourself? And I just allowed myself to explore.
But the the small listening part was listening to the desire to travel. And even though it didn't necessarily make conventional sense because I had a full-time job, and sometimes I would travel straight from Sacramento where I was working. And so I wouldn't see my apartment for like three weeks at a time, two or three weeks at a time. But it made sense for me. And so that is one example that I can think of of self-trust that even when people didn't understand it.
That it made sense for me. And I felt better that year than I had any other year because it was fulfilling something inside of me that didn't have anything to do with anybody else. And it wasn't anybody else's decision. They couldn't understand it. They didn't need to understand it. But it was for me. Now, when I started exploring more about energy work and intuition, I didn't trust myself at all.
I didn't trust any of the messages that I was hearing. I told you all this before, but I used to sit in class and my teacher, Yolessa, would say, Okay, Asha, your turn to do a reading. What do you feel? I'd say, I don't feel anything. Asha, you don't feel anything? Nothing in your body. I'm like, no, not really. She'd be like, okay, tell me about what the not really is. I'd say, Well, I feel something in my stomach, but I just ate before class. So I think it's probably that. She'd be like, Asha, no, it's that's not it. That's your body trying to tell you something. What does that?
rumbling or that sensation feel and I would think about it and say it makes me think of XYZ and she'd be that's exactly it. So I would have these sensations or these little nudges and I would totally dismiss them because I had no idea that they were coming from me or coming from an outside source. But I also dismissed it because I just didn't trust myself. I didn't trust myself to explore it. Like I needed the support of somebody else to say explore that feeling.
Don't just dismiss it. So allow yourself to explore that feeling and see. And now here's what I tell my friends who are intuitive but they're not sure if they can trust it. This is what I'm going tell you too. Write down the nudges that you get. When you're doing your morning routine or you're in meditation, or when things come to you and you're on a walk or in the shower, write down what it is. If you get an idea to do something, my teacher calls it night notes, because oftentimes they come at night, but they don't have to come at night.
They could just be your intuitive notes, your hits. When you get an idea about something, write it down and follow it. Depending on how big or small it is and how comfortable you are, follow it. But definitely start with writing it down. So then you can flip back to the pages later and see what it was that you noted. So you can test: was your intuition correct or was it not? And I bet that the more you start to write stuff down and to really pay attention to it.
Then you're going to see that you are correct. So, for example, I get nudges for topics on the podcast. So sometimes I'll write them down. At first, I started writing them down, and then I would do them later. And then people tell me, I love that episode. So I would test it. Do I need to be scripted and planned? Or can I just follow the intuitive nudge that I get? And every time I follow the intuitive nudge, it feels better to me. And people give me good feedback on the episode.
As opposed to writing down scripting, what do people want to hear? Okay, here's the hook, here's the thing, here's the that, and making it so formulaic that I've lost my spark, I've lost my magic. So I started testing. Can I do podcast episodes just based on my intuition? Of course, I have some skill, I've read some stuff, I've done this before, it's not a brand new thing, but they come out much better. At least to me, I like them better. I record more when I do it with my intuition. So I've tested that. Now I trust myself.
To just pick up the mic and say what comes to mind. you could test it with relationships. Ooh, yeah. Test it with relationships, especially if you are in a relationship that feels a little uncomfortable. I'll let you be the judge on what that criteria is, but something that feels a little uncomfortable, maybe you're getting hits and you're wondering, is this my intuition or is this my insecurity? Is this my intuition or is this my trauma? I asked that.
All the time. I ask it less now, but in the beginning I would ask it all the time because I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if I was bringing in past trauma or current knowing. And so write it down. Write down what the nudge is. Write down something didn't feel right about this phone call. Write down I actually really feel good about this person, even though logically or on paper it doesn't quite make sense. Write it down.
So then when you have a situation that you can flip and you can flip back to the pages later and see was your intuition correct or was it not? And you get to build self-trust. You'll remember what you were thinking when you wrote that thing down. And so then you can filter: was it emotion or was it a knowing? Was it trauma or was it intuition? But if you don't write it down and if you don't
Test it, it's gonna be really hard to build your intuition. Again, you don't have to test it by leaping and jumping into a new country right away, or leaping and jumping into a new relationship right away. Test it on the small things. I think I'm gonna actually start taking this supplement instead of that supplement. Let me just see how I feel. I think I'm going to drive this route instead of that route. Notice what happens, who you run into.
I'm gonna walk down this aisle at the grocery store instead of that one because something just tells me to go over here. Who do you see? Who do you talk to? What discount do you find? You just have to start testing in a small way, but writing it down really helps because if you're like me, one, I'll forget what I thought, or I will tell myself, I don't think I really thought that, I just made it up anyway. This example is not as exciting.
But this is an example of when I tested it. I when I moved into the current apartment that I'm in, I had a neighbor across the hall, John, from I think from South Carolina by way of Atlanta. And about a about how long? Six months? No, about four months, five months after I moved in, John passed away from cancer. When I met him, he told me that he had cancer and he was just kind of he was just at the end of his life, but we became friends.
and I remember walking home one day and I was walking with a friend and I hadn't heard from John in a little bit. And I had this feeling come over me. It was this feeling of like I just I kind of felt sick, like a little wave of nausea. And I don't typically feel like that unless I'm on a bus or in the back of an Uber, like an electric car. But I I noticed it and I immediately thought of John and I thought, I wonder if John is okay. I wonder if he just passed away.
I thought that to myself. And then I thought, if I don't say something or write this down, I am going to think that I made it up. So I was walking with a friend and I told my friend, I said, I just got this wave of nausea. It made me think about John. I I wonder if John just passed away. My friend was like, No, don't think about that. Think positive. I'm like, it's not really a positive or negative. John is gonna die at some point. We all do. It's not a positive or a negative thing. It was just a thing. I didn't come with emotion. It was just a thing, just a knowing.
And two days later, John's girlfriend texted me and said that John had passed away the day before. So it was the day after I had that feeling. And what I think was that John's spirit was leaving his body, that his body hadn't died yet, but that he was making his transition when I felt that feeling. Because the same thing also happened when my dad passed away.
My dad was in the hospital. He'd had a stroke during a routine procedure. I was at home waiting to go pick him up, and I was actually in a meditation working with a coach, and in that meditation, something happened. I don't remember exactly the feeling that I had, but something happened and I felt this I don't know, this body feeling, and I immediately thought of my dad and I said, Whoa, that was strange. It didn't hurt, it didn't like give me fear.
But it it was this strange feeling. And I remember after the meditation was over, I said something. And then as soon as we hung up, I got the call from the hospital that said my dad had had a stroke. And I knew that I was feeling something. I was feeling like his spirit or something move. And it was connected to me somehow, or communicating with me, even though it wasn't with words, it was just a feeling. And I told my
Coach at the time, but I didn't know what it was, but essentially I was like noting it and testing. And then of course I recognized that I was feeling something because the hospital called. I think maybe he died and they brought him back, or maybe his spirit was getting ready to leave and it said, no, not yet, because he ended up passing away like six days later. And I absolutely think that John's spirit was passing, even though it took, you know, another day for his body to.
To let go. But I told my friend when I was talking to John so that I could have a marker because I knew that if I found out later, I would probably dismiss what I had felt. So you don't have to do this with anything big or dramatic, doesn't have to be as dramatic as somebody passing, but just notice. Notice the things that you feel, write them down and test them. Write them down. Take action based on them or
Just to take take the action of writing that down so then you can note what happens later. Was it accurate or was it not? If it's accurate, then you know you can build your self-trust. If it's not accurate, then you can analyze what you were feeling and determine whether it was emotion or whether it actually felt like knowing. So that's your second step. It is to test. This week I want you to test. I want you to begin writing in a journal.
In your notes app on your phone, anywhere, telling a friend what you are experiencing. Do it, do it, do it. And just test and begin to build your self-trust. You could also do this, it doesn't have to just be with intuition. What happens if you decide that you need to rest a little bit before you respond to that email or you need to communicate with your boss about something because there's something that's just nagging you? Test it and see what happens. Next week, we're gonna be talking about turning that.
self-trust into action, how to lead with self-trust. And it's not just going to be about you know just trying it and seeing what happens. I'm going to talk to you about regulating your nervous system as you do it so it can feel more comfortable to you. So you can begin to lead with your own self-trust. All right. If you have any questions, please let me know. I've added a new thing to the show notes.
I would love to hear your feedback about the episodes. You can either do that in the comments wherever you're listening to this podcast, or please, if you have a question that you want me to answer, you can leave a voice note in my WhatsApp and I'll play the voice note as part of the episode and I will answer your questions in a podcast. I love this. This really helps with my human design so I can respond to things, but also I want this to be.
two-way street a conversation so in the show notes you will find a link to the WhatsApp channel where you can ask your questions you will also be put into the Asha's Place WhatsApp group. Feel free to stay or you can join, you can mute all notifications. Please do what works for you. So there's that that's there. And also if you're looking to build more self-trust, I have an intuitive reader certification and development course.
That I'm going to be running more regularly. By the time you listen to this, there may be one that's already in action. I hate to do like to say the dates because I'm not sure exactly when you're going to listen to this. And I haven't quite figured out how to set up dynamic ads on my podcast yet, but it's coming. But if you are listening in November, the next round will open up in January. But look at the link in the show notes. It's Asha's Place Lisbon.com/slash intuitive reader.
And you will see the information for becoming an intuitive reader. Now, this is the perfect course for you, whether you feel like you already get hits of intuition, or if you were like me and you were curious and needed some structure and a framework to begin to get started, to understand what's happening physiologically in your body, so you can actually be open to perceiving the energy around you. This is the course for you. All right. I love you all. I will see you all next week.
I hope you have a fantastic day, fantastic week, and that you are filled with love and light, and that you get everything that you want and need. Ciao.